When your teen is anxious, it’s easy to feel your own heart race. You want to make it stop — to fix the problem, calm the panic, and return everything to normal.
But anxiety doesn’t usually vanish because of one good argument or one “reasonable” conversation. What helps most in the moment is your steady, non-panicked presence.
Start with nervous systems, not logic
In high-anxiety moments, the thinking part of the brain is not in charge. That’s why “There’s nothing to worry about” rarely works — even if it’s technically true.
Instead, focus on helping their body feel a little safer first. You might say:
“I can see your brain is really loud right now. Let’s just sit together and take a few slow breaths. We can talk when it feels a bit less intense.”
Validate the feeling, even if you don’t agree with the fear
You don’t have to agree that the worst-case scenario will happen. You do want to agree that their fear feels real.
Try lines like:
- “Given everything on your plate, it makes sense your brain is on high alert.”
- “Anyone would feel shaky waiting for an answer like that.”
Validation doesn’t feed the anxiety; it tells your teen they’re not crazy or alone.
Offer one tiny next step
Once the emotional wave has softened even a little, you can gently ask what might help them feel 5% safer. For example:
“Would a short walk, a hot shower, or writing your worries down help your body calm just a bit?”
Tiny actions remind them they’re not completely stuck, even if the big problem isn’t solved yet.
A simple line that helps
The next time your teen is anxious, you might say:
“You don’t have to feel calm right away. I’m here with you while this feels big, and we’ll take it one small step at a time.”
It doesn’t fix everything — but it gives them what anxiety steals most: the sense that they’re not facing it alone.