“We’re not friends anymore.”
Your teen says it casually — or sobs it into their pillow. Either way, something big has shifted.
Friendship breakups can be just as painful as romantic ones. Teens are still figuring out who they are, and losing someone who “got” them can shake that identity.
Resist the urge to minimize
It’s tempting to say, “You’ll make new friends” or “You’ll laugh about this someday.” You mean well, but to your teen, it can sound like you don’t understand how big the loss feels right now.
Instead, try:
“For someone who mattered this much, of course this hurts. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
Make room for mixed feelings
Teens may feel sad, angry, relieved, guilty, or all of the above. You can normalize that complexity by saying:
“It makes sense if part of you misses them and part of you is mad — our hearts don’t usually pick just one feeling.”
This tells them there’s no “wrong” way to grieve a friendship.
Help them protect their dignity
In the age of group chats and social media, friendship breakups can get messy fast. You can support your teen in choosing responses they’ll feel good about later:
- “You don’t have to respond to every message right away.”
- “If it’s getting ugly online, we can mute or block for now.”
- “Let’s think about what future-you would be proud you did here.”
A simple line that helps
The next time your teen is hurting over a friend, you might say:
“Losing someone who knew your world like that is a big deal. I’m here for the sad, the mad, and all the in-between while you figure out what comes next.”
It doesn’t erase the pain, but it gives them something just as important — a safe place to land while they heal.