Your teen sees photos from a group hang they weren’t invited to. Or they hear about plans made in the hallway while they stood a few steps away.
“It’s fine,” they say. But their face tells a different story.
Skip the “They’re not worth it anyway” reaction
It’s natural to want to protect your teen by dismissing the group: “You don’t need them” or “They’re being childish.”
But right now, your teen may still want those friendships. Criticizing the group can make them feel even more alone — like no one understands why this hurts.
Instead, try:
“Oof. Seeing that and not being included must really sting. I’m sorry that happened.”
Normalize the pain without making it their fault
Teens are quick to turn exclusion into a story about their worth: “I’m annoying,” “I’m boring,” “They don’t like me.”
You can gently counter that narrative:
“This says more about group dynamics than about your value. Good people are left out sometimes, and it feels awful.”
Look for other circles, not just this one
Once the sharpest pain has softened a bit, you can help them notice where they are wanted. For example:
- “Who do you feel more relaxed around, even if it’s just one or two people?”
- “Is there a club, team, or activity where you feel more like yourself?”
You’re not forcing them to “move on,” just reminding them this one group isn’t the whole map.
A simple line that helps
The next time your teen feels left out, you might say:
“Being on the outside of plans really hurts. It doesn’t mean you’re less likable — it means this group didn’t get it right today, and I’m here with you while it stings.”
It doesn’t erase the ache, but it tells them they don’t have to carry that ache alone.